FTD Frontal Lobe Dementia

Such a horrible disease.  As I walked into the group home where my mom now lives, she had the same facial expressions as she always has.  Her face seems stuck in one position, which is a facet of this brain destroying disease.  I arrive with a slice of pizza (her favorite) and an apple danish.  She eats the full slice of pizza and then we have to walk out the back door and stroll through the back yard arm in arm and wander back inside for the apple danish.  She continues to ask where we are going tonight and I try to explain that on Wednesday’s we don’t go anywhere but on Saturday, I will be back and we will go out to eat.  I can’t begin to understand how the brain which is so incredible can also be so destructive. As I gaze at my mother tonight, I notice how smooth her skin looks, she looks so young.  How can she be so sick and yet look so young.  I am without understanding as how this disease has stolen her life.  Yet I am comforted that she had many escapades during her early retirement years.  Traveling to California and the grand canyon, becoming involved in her local church and finding Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit even if she no longer remembers that, I am comforted by the fact that I know she is saved and will spend eternity with God and Jesus in Heaven.  As it began to rain tonight, she insisted that I leave.  She spent time walking through the house 3 times to find the workers who could open the door to let me out.  It’s like she still wanted to protect me even as her brain barely knew who I was.  It is such a troubling time as I struggle to understand who she was and who this disease has caged her into.  I love her and I hate this situation.  I try to make her smile and show her the honor that she deserves as my mother.  It is a difficult journey but I will persevere with Jesus as my guide.  His ways don’t always make sense to me but His ways are above my understanding and I will continue to walk this path and honor God and my mother.